Women’s Seniors
UHS-W 1.1.7 – Aquinas 3.5.23
Goal Kickers: Gretta Hankinson
Written by Angelica Vaira
The week was filled with shaky legs, sweaty palms and attempts to self-tear one’s hamstring in terrified anticipation of versing the first team in living memory to clean us up and yet, come Saturday morning, our seniors were straight legged, smooth palmed and hamstrings were sufficiently stretched. With determination in their eyes, the events of that fateful and freakishly hot day in Ringwood weeks prior were pushed aside, as our fierce women marched onto that field – except for those who simply meandered…the dare-I-say hungover teachers who may or may not have been feeling the effects of some last day of school celebrations. Just kidding, Darren, we would never drink before a game.
The siren sounded, and the rucks leapt. The game we all dreaded for weeks was officially afoot. Despite a fantastic and perfectly legal shove by our ruthless ruck, Camille, Aquinas was able to break through our champion on-ballers to set up for an early goal. Little did they know that Greta ‘god-I-love-Greta’ Hankinson was BACK BABY and she quickly and effortlessly shut that sh*t down. Time after time, our dynamic middle duo – Abbey and Katie O – fought tirelessly to move the ball from our defence to our forward line. With the help of our speedy wings, Annie and Anastasia, Aquinas came to the realisation that this is not the same team they once played. An early injury for Tara Corcoran startled our defence and Aquinas were able to sneak a goal and a point (a point is a point!) before ¼ time.
Our seniors came back with a vengeance and fought even harder but…I won’t lie, I don’t remember much from this ¼ other than Aquinas getting (only!) one more point. I would assume that this means Ali, Issey, Meg, Rachel and Greta danced the goddessdamn dance and didn’t let the pesky Aquinas forwards, who seem to be everywhere at any given time, dance their dance. I do remember however, the increased volume and distressed tone of the opposition coach as the minutes went on. This may have been due to some questionable free kicks rewarded to our team but never mind that. Play by the whistle.
An uplifting “f*ck it, we’ve got nothing to lose” speech by Darren at half time ensured that Aquinas were only able to get a couple more points. Though it is 1-11 to them at this stage, let’s remember that last time, Aquinas’ score was roughly x8 higher. First year player with the skills of a 15-year career – Marlo Zambelli – dived, ducked, and dominated in the middle and with the help of Kate ‘Richo’ Richardson and Kim ‘Crabby’ Crabtree, Aquinas began to quake in their expensive, private school boots. The remarkable moments of this quarter were severely overshadowed by a killer of a bump on Hannah ‘Hammer’ Greaves, who went flying and a killer of a sledge by Greta, who made her disgust known…but still did so with such style and calm. How does she do it? Who knows.
The pavilion was abuzz with excitement as the final quarter began. Our seniors showed no mercy, despite losing even more players to injuries. At this point, we have more injured players than players with bad nicknames given to them by Darren. Aquinas boringly got two more goals and while one was quite a good goal, honestly no one cared. It was sort of like watching Richmond win at this point, they’ve won enough, and no one wants to watch them succeed anymore. Is that still relevant? I don’t follow footy. What WASN’T boring was when a fabulous free kick by free-kick-kween Katie O went straight into the stylish, calm and effortless arms of Greta, just inside the fifty (Oh you thought she was just a defender? No, she can literally do anything). The ball soared through the air and like that, our seniors won the game. It wasn’t a win according to the scoreboard, but it was a win in our hearts and souls and that’s what matters. Just kidding Darren, we care about the scoreboard too.
Our seniors can march into the next, season-defining game with their heads held high. With the help of returning from injury superstars, Maddy Hince and Katie Webb, if we manage to pull off another performance like the one against Aquinas, then finals here we come baby! Please apply below for the Greta appreciation club. Please sign up for a job this week.
Men’s Seniors
UHS-VU 5.6.36 – Old Ivanhoe 14.14.98
Goal Kickers: Ben Dimattina, Fraser Allen, Patrick Brookes, Connor Mccutcheon, Todd Cracknell
Written by James Dimattina
Saturday started off as any Saturday would for the UHS seniors a quick check of weatherzone to assess the conditions for the game, re-read Payney’s email for the 3rd time in case he questions anyone in the pre-game rev up and of course a Dimattina coffee skinny latte for all your daily caffeine needs!
Our first casualty for the day was our favourite trainer Juancho who was a late out due to illness on the morning of which had nothing to do with the “Who’s out?” text he was circulating at 3am… This was closely followed by a scare for Payney’s Ford Falcon but after a quick assessment from Baxter was deemed fit to continue and to Payney’s dismay got him to the 2nds just in time to run the boundary.
After his first plan was foiled, Payney went to plan B to get out of boundary umpiring where he had what can only be described as an agree to disagree moment with the on field umpire to be the first ever boundary umpire in UHS history to be sent off. This gave him extra time to help work on his pre game speech to get the boys up and about.
It didn’t quite work though with the Uni High boys off to their famously slow start and a few costly turnovers in the back half giving Ivanhoe a number of shots on goal with their inaccuracy the only thing keeping us in the game. The midfielders Ezza, Will Thompson and James Healey were relishing the muddy strip in the centre with all endeavouring to be awarded the dirtiest on ground award at the end of the day.
The high flying backmen Ayui, Speck and Gerard Hawkins did their best to repel a number of Ivanhoe forward thrusts with Uni evening out the contest in the second. Connor Mccutcheon slotted through a lovely banana in his first game in the UHS 1s since 2017 to get our first goal on the board. Fraser Allen followed suit with a ripping set shot to keep us within striking distance come half time.
With the first 5 minutes of third quarter crucial to UHS’ chances of making a comeback James Gil laid a couple of massive tackles in the middle of the ground to help us getting the ball moving forward. Paddy Brookes was providing a strong target up forward all day and took a great mark before going back and slotting our 3rd for the afternoon. Unfortunately despite everyone putting in their best efforts Ivanhoe gained the upper hand kicking 6 goals in the third and putting the margin out of our reach.
The boys were determined to not roll over in the last with Ben Dimattina and Todd Cracknell converting a pair of really nice snaps on goal. Unfortunately the UHS boys were unable to extend our winning streak to 3 games, but have a few very winnable games over the next few weeks and will be looking to get back on the winners list.
As if playing on the mud heap that was Ivanhoe’s ground wasn’t bad enough, at the end of the game they were bold enough to only award a 6 pack to their best player and completely disregard our best. Made hand scrubbing the mud out of our white shorts all the more irritating.
Men’s Reserves
UHS-VU 1.4.10 – Old Ivanhoe 26.11.167
Goal Kickers: Damian Nelson
Written by Thomas Cheyne
After a 14 point home loss to our rivals Preston the week before, the reserves were aiming to make amends against 2nd on the ladder Old Ivanhoe Grammarians.
To say it was a tough day at the office was a little bit of an understatement when you look at the scoreline, but to our credit though we battled from start to finish against a very good Ivanhoe side.
The most notable efforts for the game came from the midfield. S.Brookes, playing his first game for UHS since 2019, was super in midfield alongside the usual suspects of Cancian, Wernet and Lowe. Hillier and Grapsas did well in the ruck to supply our mids with the ball but were simply outclassed by the Ivanhoe midfield.
The defence should be proud of their efforts they gave all day as well. Brown, L.Allen and Ley should hold their heads high for the effort they gave despite an onslaught of the ball from start to finish. Nelson, who floated between defence and midfield for most of the day, kicked our solitary goal. The goal itself was a bit of a gift, after two 25 metre penalties from a free kick in the centre square meant Damo kicked from 20 metres out and straight in front.
Our forwards battled hard when the ball was in our forward 50 to get a goal but their efforts went unrewarded. Mallia battled hard as our deep forward but for most of the day, was double teamed by the Ivanhoe defence.
All in all, it was a massively disappointing result and it’s never easy when you get beaten by the scoreline we did. It shows the kind of calibre we’re going up against in this division but we must pick ourselves up, move on and focus on Marcellin next week.
Thirds
Hampton Rovers 18.17.125 – UHS-VU 4.5.29
Goal Kickers: David Fazakerley 2, Jack Cumberlidge, Marcus Walsh
Written by Jack Cumberlidge
The Zookeepers made the trek out to Hampton seeking to avenge a triple digit loss that occurred at Brens earlier this season. With G. Addley’s energy and noise noticeably missing from the warm up, Captain Cross and L. St Clair ensured the Keepers were ready for battle.
A strong first 10 minutes created a good contest early but lapses during the later part of the first quarter allowed Hampton to race ahead on the scoreboard.
The second quarter was far more competitive with Lachie’s fist providing a source of consistent frustration for the Hampton attack in addition to Young, Coach Milicevic and Habel all providing great rebound from the backline. Finally the effort of UHS was rewarded with a straightforward goal from Cumberlidge on the back of solid all round intensity.
Despite what the scoreboard said (an all too common disclaimer in the thirds this season), the third quarter provided the Keepers their second major with a good entry from Habel to Fazakerley. Our midfielders also played a strong role with Ferg adding some much needed run down the line, Spencer with a great defensive effort and Oscar, Crossy and Mawds all putting in quality performances.
The final period saw Marcus grab an impressive contested mark and goal before Fazkerley picked up his second major. Despite the loss, this performance showed a marked improvement from earlier this season and better results look just around the corner for the much improved Thirds outfit.
Women’s Reserves
UHS-W 0.0.0 – Aquinas 11.8.74
Editors Report
Coming up against runaway leader Aquinas our women’s reserves were always going to be fighting an uphill battle.
Despite the class of the opposition our women gave it their best all day, a special shout-out to the defence who gave it their all to repel attack after attack from Aquinas. While being unable to score the way everyone on the team gave their all should be something to be proud of.
The Reserves will be playing at 12pm away in Mentone vs St. Bedes.